Pushing Form Further (taught topic). Performing as the self performance

Reflecting on weeks 4 and 5 was challenging.  Grappling with embarrassment and fear of failure has always been one of my challenges as a performer, one I share with most people with a heartbeat I suppose.  

In trying to create a safe space I had ended up with a bit of a mess.

Mmmm.

Structure.

My bête noir.

Why my novel is languishing in the drawer and why my life has had tendencies towards the chaotic.

Mmmm.

My usual anarchic response of scribbling frantically and throwing everything I have to hand at my storyline had resulted in a performance that lacked a really coherent structure.  It had been useful as a reassurance that being experimental was the whole point of the lab but I was still ashamed that what I was producing was less than fabulous.

For our next performance we were asked to think about performing a live event unfolding in real time, colliding it with other media.

The primary focus should be on how we could perform the self.  Jordan challenged us to dig deep.

Mmmm.

I decided to look into my past and chose a range of images and some video footage from Our Lady’s Psychiatric Hospital in County Clare which is now abandoned.  I asked Sue Curnow, a friend with extensive experience as an actor, to talk to me about voice and recorded it.  This recording I used as the soundtrack for a film which combined photos of the hospital itself, the statue commemorating the life of the hospital and the statue of the Virgin Mary in the grounds.
I tried to post the first part of this blog yesterday at the beginning of the post below.  My web design skills must be still somewhat lacking, or gremlins interfered, as it disappeared into the ether!

I called the piece “Who we are/Where we are” and started with a direct address to the audience.


This is the text of my introduction:


Hello, Kia Ora


When the idea of this task was introduced, I freaked out a bit because voice can be problematic for me


Once when I was very poorly I became selectively mute.


Briefly.


There was no physiological reason for me to stop speaking.


I just did.


(move from centre stage left to centre stage right)


When I am skinless
when my skin is so thin


Thinner than membrane under eggshell


                than cling film
                                  gladwrap
                                  cellophane 


than the membrane between the layers of an onion 


Then I am fragile
                     frail
                     feeble


Then 
I
have
no
voice




(play video of Our Lady Hospital with Sue Curnow’s voice over, chorusing with her from “we project ourselves”.  When the video stops I carry on speaking Sue’s transcribed script bringing the recorded sound and content completely live into the space.  Slowly I repeat key phrases)




the voice
identity
our history
our genetic make up


we project ourselves
making concrete     
(in our heads)




tied up with who we are
where we are




It went OK.  I was proud of making myself vulnerable and being brave.  Less proud of the execution, but once again had to remind myself of the experimental nature of the space.